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December 15, 2009
Denise Simmons, MG Corporate Executive Chef
One of my best friends from high school, Matt, recently invited me to become a fan of the facebook page ‘For the Love of Food’, created by James Walls. The following is a recent posting from him that, while I found it hysterical (because it happened to someone other than me), I could relate ALL TOO WELL! Enjoy!
It began easily enough and my intentions were purely good… Having watched my food guru Alton Brown whip up a Lemon Meringue Pie in 13 minutes on “Good Eats” I was sure I could do it. "I’m a trained professional," I haughtily told myself.
The ingredient list was easy enough, only a few items needed at the store and I had some beautiful home grown Meyers Lemons (which are a hybrid of a tangerine and a lemon) from the tree in the back yard so I looked forward to this as an adventure of pie making and another chance to not only please the palette’s of those I love but exercising my culinary prowess as well.
I printed the recipe and had it handy in the kitchen as I gathered the necessary accoutrements for the task and began by mixing my dry ingredients that were carefully measured and then added the water and started it all at a simmer on the stove. I juiced and zested the lemons and stirred the simmering pot as instructed, humming a
Christmas tune and feeling quite proud of myself…and with pride go-eth the fall they say.
I separated the egg whites and got one teeny little drop of yolk in the entire batch from the last egg. Knowing that any fat will keep egg whites from rising I carefully scooped the offending blob out and quickly went to the stove and stirred my now thick and lemony custard, tempered in the egg yolks and set the heat on low. Time to make meringue.
I carefully washed out the bowl that I would be using to get rid of any fat, grabbed my powerful Braun hand whisker with egg beater attachment and figured I’d better wash that too. I ran hot water into a big plastic drinking cup (48oz.s) with a drop of Dawn detergent and lowered the mixer in and figured I’d let the power tool do the washing for me. I turned it on and hot foamy water shot out ALL OVER me and the kitchen sink, counters, floor, fruit dish etc. Apparently for Braun, a power setting of 4 = 80,000 rpm’s and then some!
I removed my soaked T-shirt, used it to dry my eye glasses and the floor while dish towels got the rest of the mess. A lesson learned I checked the recipe again and noticed I needed to put the meringue on the pie while the filling was still warm, so I hurriedly cleaned up, washed the bowl again, rinsed the mixer…(fool me once shame on you, fool me twice) and got 4 more eggs out and separated them making sure NO blob s of yolk got into it this time. I grabbed my Braun hand mixer with egg whisk attached and gently lowered it into the egg whites and pushed the button…and it kicked in at 80,000 rpm yet again.
Hot foamy water was much better than cold egg whites I must say. Once again I was covered, the counter, the sink, even the fruit bowl looked like it had snow covered peaks. I had hit soft peaks in 2 seconds flat I noticed as a few ran down my glasses, which I removed and cleaned. Now I was pissed, covered in egg whites along with the kitchen and my lemony custard was cooling. I turned the heat back on low, whisked a bit and quickly rinsed the bowl yet again, rinsed the Braun hand held turbine engine and made sure to turn it down from 4 (Satanic Spin) to 1 (Ma Kettle goes for a walk) speed.
I slid and slipped my way over to the fridge for yet 4 more egg’s, ignoring the firming egg whites in my hair and chest hairs, (perhaps it will make my coat nice and shiny), and finally got the last batch right, put the damn meringue on the damn pie and put the damn thing in the oven.
While it baked I stepped outside to stop shaking and smoke a cigarette before I cleaned up the kitchen yet again. I lazily pulled and puffed with forced relaxation from the cigarette as the neighborhood children went screaming to their parents “That man must have slaughtered Frosty cause it’s all over him!!” I returned to a well browned topping, a beautiful pie, a mess of a kitchen and a more humble attitude about my skills and culinary prowess when it comes to pies.
All I can say is, after the Lemon Meringue Pie Massacre of 2009, this better taste like heaven…cause I went through HELL!!
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